Gabble, Gumnation and Politics

By HARRY COVERT

ONCE UPON A TIME IN A DIFFERENT part of my life, I thought I’d run for public office. It was hard work. I know full well all politics is local. This was never more evident to me than on one afternoon when I was busy knocking on doors, introducing myself, smiling and being sweet and nice in the neighborhood.

Let me digress for a moment. What a campaigning year we’re having. It’s almost a carnival atmosphere as the gloves seem off in the Democratic race for president. And how the television commentators, analysts, columnists, bloggers and generally good bull-shooters are enjoying the melee.

Unfortunately, so much of the gabble or gumnation as I like to describe it, is about to turn off most of the voters. We have a long way to November. But, I admit, it is fun listening to the in-fighting, out-fighting and nefarious and various predictions.

We can’t say the media types are selling newspapers or magazines this time but they are selling lots of air time, even if it’s mostly hot air. It’s fun to watch.

All the hoopla we’re enduring reminds me of my effort and what it takes to meet the voters on every street and avenue of cities and towns. Most candidates do this when they're alone, when no reporters of any sort are following. You have to admire the candidates. Let’s not forget though, Americans are paying through the nose for the campaigns.

I enjoyed a 10-year period when I loved to umpire baseball games, softball games and to referee high school and college basketball and football games. They were always exciting events. You meet a lot of people.

I can tell you, a person can get accustomed to catcalls, boos, threats and dreadful, even profane, language because that’s what many people do at sporting events. Blame the umps. It’s part of the fun of competition. Sometimes it can be hard to take but game officials do that. Every now and then you can get sweet revenge. You have to be slick and delicate.

There is a similarity between officiating sporting events and campaigning for elective office. From my experience, most people are very nice and make campaigning fun. On occasion, citizens will tell you what’s on their minds and the majority of times it doesn’t involve campaign issues.

In my case, I rapped on one door politely, introduced myself and the lady of the house opened the door. She leered. Yes, I said she leered at me. Without missing a beat she sneered, "Whaddaya want?"

"I’d like your vote," I replied somewhat furtively.

"Well, get off my porch," she squealed. "I know who you are and I ain’t voting for you." That was rather definitive, to the point.

I GOT OFF THE PORCH, TRIED TO MAINTAIN a bit of dignity. I made one more attempt to find out just why this woman had little good to say of me.

"What did I ever do to you, madam?" I asked, attempting to be soft and to possibly save the situation. I managed a heavy emphasis on the word madam, probably employing a little sarcasm with a smile.

"You called my son out at home plate and we could have won the game. You’re a bum."

I swallowed hard. I knew then no amount of explanation or apology would work in this campaign stop. So I smiled again, thanked her and got away as quickly as I could.

What did she know, I thought to myself. So, I rationalized, she was obviously dumb as a stump, definitely pigheaded and didn’t know anything about baseball.  Certainly, she  didn’t know anything about politics. --Copyright 2008.